Dates have their own stickiness, that why every year , every date reminds you on something. As one grows older, every date does build its own shades. Nine Eleven is possibly remembered for the tragedy in NY years back, for me it will always carry a very distinct memory.
I had a lot of time today with myself , as most time was spent in temples and driving, listening to noise classified as Music. I looked back at life one more time , distinctly with reference to Nine Eleven and the indelible mark it has left on me.
My Monologues were numb, they were depressing yet revealing. They were bitter but true. They were real and right. Do I really know myself? I looked at some observations pointed to me in greatest detail, word by word, over and over again. There is verse in Gurbani that says even to a snake, he is the bravest and most beautiful harmless creature. I looked back and remembered some very distinct memories and there relevance to the day today and time.
When I was about to complete schooling, my school decided to organise a farewell for a departing 12th std class of 1988. All students were excited for the event. Some bought new clothes and some planned to bring in their dad's cars. The girls decided to focus on the their best looks and undeniable presence. I bought a Shampoo Pouch , which was a new phenomenon then and tried one for the first time in my life , wore a half sleeve sweater over a stained white shirt , matched it with the school uniform trouser and mustered the courage to land amongst the most prepared and shining class. A feeling did leave an indelible mark on me then , that I am not them , I am different and my journey is different. After the results, while all the class was busy circling DU colleges for admissions, I focused on my 6.5 day job in Karol bagh, picked up certificate only in august after all regular admissions were closed. On Sep 4th, happened to be a friends birthday, she called all the school mates together at Nirulas in Kamla Nagar . It etched it one more time, If it was to come easy, remember it is not for you.
Ten years back , I was in my office in Okhla , the job I hated which paid me same pay in a month what I earned in a 5 day week, years back. I saw the events on TV, went back to my desk and continued my telephonic interview for a job which paid me twice the salary..sadly still it was half of my monthly income in Australia.
I went back to 1991, ten years prior to Nine eleven, actually on September 8th. It was Sonia 's 19th birthday. We had agreed to spend the day at Badhkal Lake. A lady draped in lovely pink saree (which obviously she wore for the first time) spent the day with me while it rained all around us . In four months , in all public presence, she denied even knowing me .
The different me wasn't born, I was deformed here.
Today when I loose the last hope of my life , I look back and look at the shallowness and poverty of my dreams. I didnt need big houses, a dominating position , a huge family , hundreds of Friends or flashy cars.
India isn't my Place , the conclusion is clear. I dreamt of a small house with signs of my individuality in its attire, a welcoming kitchen , Linen Kurtas work with Khussa, grey hair, aroma of shayari and laughter, floor cushions and above all the clarity of intent, thoughts and words.
You asked too much dude ...I shouldnt have . Dreams have set menus...if you ordered anything above and beyond , expect to stay hungry.
Mankind has made two institutions for all humans to stay confined, God and Marriage .....they will keep you imprisoned for life ...
I went back to 1991, ten years prior to Nine eleven, actually on September 8th. It was Sonia 's 19th birthday. We had agreed to spend the day at Badhkal Lake. A lady draped in lovely pink saree (which obviously she wore for the first time) spent the day with me while it rained all around us . In four months , in all public presence, she denied even knowing me .
The different me wasn't born, I was deformed here.
Today when I loose the last hope of my life , I look back and look at the shallowness and poverty of my dreams. I didnt need big houses, a dominating position , a huge family , hundreds of Friends or flashy cars.
India isn't my Place , the conclusion is clear. I dreamt of a small house with signs of my individuality in its attire, a welcoming kitchen , Linen Kurtas work with Khussa, grey hair, aroma of shayari and laughter, floor cushions and above all the clarity of intent, thoughts and words.
You asked too much dude ...I shouldnt have . Dreams have set menus...if you ordered anything above and beyond , expect to stay hungry.
Mankind has made two institutions for all humans to stay confined, God and Marriage .....they will keep you imprisoned for life ...
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