I have a collection of quotes which I have picked up in the 24 years of my adulthood, one of which is “Everyone is a Hero in the story of their life”. We live in this fallacy for most part of life till you are either told otherwise or you realize the “villain” in you and accept the “devil inside”. The encounter with the Scoundrel inside you is never easy; it is bound to cause embarrassment and guilt. I had a similar reaction since Thursday. I was immensely keen on digging why I became the way I became. The journey into the personality formation doesn’t take the fact away that I behaved like a scoundrel and therefore should be remembered as one. No better, no worse, just a world class Scoundrel, who is shameless in accepting who he is.
Some days come back to my memory, some thoughts I have decided not to pen and the ones who had aged and died a natural death by strangulation. I am shameless dreamer, possibly only thing I used to do right and view my dreams with huge passion and conviction. Dreams are what they are, fragile and Smokey, yet in absence of real anchors of relationships in my life, I leaned on them as my anchor. I often served my dreams to my friends as my conviction, while in heart of my heart I knew they are just dreams. I often view the dream chasing as chasing a mirage. Dev Anand made 20 plus very unsuccessful films, with a simple belief that one of these films would bring him back to life, unfortunately he died before one of them clicked. I just woke up from this deep amnesia. Important to note that, he didn’t regret, he was just so damn optimistic. I am not one anymore. I am truly a selfish, narcissist, soul sucking looser. It didn’t take courage to accept that, it just took some numbness.
My dreams shall now be either muted or just simply a little mutilated, they must have caused irreversible harm but dreams are not like humans, dreams never have poor intent. I am just sorry .....
Byeeee
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