Devil From Delhi

The first three months of 2013 were planned to be reflective on the journey of last 25 years of adulthood. First the tonsure to face the true greying me, second a solo visit to my mehboob city Delhi.
Delhi is my Mehbooba for sure, my first love. There are zillions of memories attached to each and very moment , place and weather. I have lived in many cities, Melbourne, Brisbane , Manila but never got so attached to even one of them, may be because Delhi still hosts to most of my "evolution" memories, first between 1988 to 1995 and then between 2000 and 2003, then 2008 to 2010. In 1988, a TV serial called Mirza Ghalib left an indelible mark on me , don't know why ...may be love of Urdu, the character of Mirza Ghalib and the unvarnished facts of life. There have been many questions brewing inside me, why did this journey have so many setbacks, why was I so non conformist, why did I turn out be a Devil for everyone I touched. Too many questions reel my head every single night, I often try to see it from the perspective of people who see the devil in me. I have always been emotionally promiscuous, which is possibly not related to a typical male behavior in India. I see people around me who visit brothels, strip every woman they see with their eyes and exploit every one weak and vurberable, yet seen as benchmarks in society. My assumption always has been that I have held moral high ground in almost all cases, but of what use, I am seen as nymphomaniac bastard. My love is still ghazals, poetry, writing, emotions and relationships. I have no desire of clubs (have never enjoyed one), never bought western music, never liked parties, in fact hate crowds. Something is erroneous in my design, despite the fact that people perceive me as a super extrovert, I crave for quiet time alone and relish it. Some of things which all people who hated me have said over years, do reel every single day before I catch sleep. Why do I dabble with emotional connects when solitude is all will stay?

I get the answer in just one word, Destiny.

Todays Ghazal with its meanings for jaanajee , from 1988. I only wish I understood this so well 25 years ago, same beloved , different magnitude of love , with time. This is why ghazals are my beloved too.

हज़ारों ख्वाहिशें ऐसी के हर ख्वाहिश पे दम निकले
बहुत निकले मेरे अरमान लेकिन फिर भी कम निकले।
I have a thousand desires, all desires worth dying for
Though many of my desires were fulfilled, majority remained unfulfilled.
This is another philosophical sher of Ghalib. Here he talks about human desires which define human existence. Life is all about desires. While some of these desires do get fulfilled, others don’t. With the passage of time new desires keep getting added in this long list of desires. So even if many of a man’s desires are fulfilled, he is never satisfied, for many still remain unfulfilled.

निकलना खुल्द से आदम का सुनते आए थे लेकिन
बहुत बे-आबरू होकर तेरे कुचे से हम निकले।
We had heard of Adam’s expulsion from Paradise
With great disgrace I came out of your street.
This ‘sher’ though one of Ghalib’s of-quoted ones has been subject to various interpretations by scholars. While the apparent meaning is pretty clear, some of the different interpretations are like, (a) while the fate of Adam was long in the past, I suffer this disgrace now (b) people have heard about Adam’s case and so sympathize with his suffering, I have suffered no less. Hali (Ghalib’s student) says that the addition of the word ‘bahut’ implied that his disgrace was far greater than Adam’s. Take your pick…

मुहब्बत में नहीं है फर्क जीने और मरने का
उसी को देख कर जीते हैं, जिस काफिर पे दम निकले।
In love there is no difference between life and death
I live to see her, the one, over who I die.
In love, the boundary between life and death is erased. One thinks of the lover all the time, lives in the hope of seeing her, and is ready to lay down his life for her. Well, slightly run of the mill stuff from Ghalib, this one.

कहाँ मैखाने का दरवाज़ा 'ग़ालिब' और कहाँ वाइज़
पर इतना जानते हैं, कल वह जाता था के हम निकले।
Where the door to the bar, where Ghalib and where the preacher (how can you compare them)
But I know this much, yesterday, when he was going, I was coming out.
The preacher calls wine drinking all bad and goads people against it. But I guess he too has his ‘pegs’. So despite all his teachings of abstinence, he too drinks (implying that addiction to wine is universal and that drinking comes naturally to people). Now, what we like about this sher is its tongue in cheek approach. He does not directly accuse the preacher of drinking, but says yesterday he saw him ‘passing by’ the bar and so was surprised. The rest he leaves to the imagination of the reader.

The Video by Jagjit Jee , a rare one.