For some odd reason, I always knew spending time alone with no or little social contact is a healer, it lets your introspect, last weekend and this weekend have been just like this. Your darkest fears, your deepest fear meet each other at an intersection. You knit and unknit the possibilities of life, what could have gone right and what didn't.
One of these thoughts as to what one expects out of each relationships, expects father to be giver, protector and exposes you to the realities of life, the mother to be feeder, weaves emotions in you, siblings to be co travelers and peers with a bond. Friends are true fellows and then there is your aashna ,,then your spouse , your daughter, your son, father in law , mother in law and so on , but why is it that one single relation of an aashna has such a high emotional quotient. Life has always been so confused on physical intimacy and emotional intimacy, I now realize that physical intimacy is a path to emotional intimacy and rarely other way round. I cant look back and crave for ones I knew at superficial level but why do emotional connects leave such bleeding scratches on your persona ..and why we keep licking those scratches and never let them heal . Do they even heal, I don't think they will ever , even if they do , the mark will stay....The ghazal from last night ...
क्या खबर थी इस तरह से वो जुदा हो जाएगा,
ख्वाब में भी उसका मिलना ख्वाब सा हो जाएगा,
ज़िन्दगी थी क़ैद हम-में क्या निकालोगे उसे,
मौत जब आ जायेगी तो खुद रिहा हो जाएगा,
...
दोस्त बनकर उसको चाहा ये कभी सोचा न था,
दोस्ती ही दोस्ती में वो खुदा हो जाएगा,
उसका जलवा होगा क्या जिसका के पर्दा नूर है,
जो भी उसको देख लेगा वो फ़िदा हो जाएगा..
ख्वाब में भी उसका मिलना ख्वाब सा हो जाएगा,
ज़िन्दगी थी क़ैद हम-में क्या निकालोगे उसे,
मौत जब आ जायेगी तो खुद रिहा हो जाएगा,
...
दोस्त बनकर उसको चाहा ये कभी सोचा न था,
दोस्ती ही दोस्ती में वो खुदा हो जाएगा,
उसका जलवा होगा क्या जिसका के पर्दा नूर है,
जो भी उसको देख लेगा वो फ़िदा हो जाएगा..
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