Yeh Khalish jo hai....

Last two weekends have been absolutely how life in its true sense is , absolute and complete solitude, in a hotel room, just eat, write and doing what solitude is meant for, conversations with your own conscience . No friends, no car, no meetings, no phone, no walk ins and nothing to distract. For answers to be right, questions have to be right, and questions have to be objective, questions must not keep one at the center of the world else and answer to justify.

I realized some of my questions were wrong, "why me" is not the question. What if it is me , is the question. See your life from the perspective of 100s who went past me in last 25 years, most who hated me , some who were brave enough to bear me and some were oblivious of my emotional lunacies. From Day one in school, we make the child , unintelligent,  push fear of failure, to look down on those who failed whether in relationships, career and in any other field. We squander the freedom to fly by fear of failure in school itself , may be even earlier. I was naive in 1988, i was already programmed to run in this race of life for next 25 years even then, all around me are still running, i want to look back and question "why am in running". I am not frightened to be wrong, i know. We stigmatize failure, those who failed in education were supposed to FAIL, i failed in love ....i wasn't scared of failure, the fear of failure makes one  a failure ....Now i know , the "khalish is not Khamkha" ..

 

हलकी हलकी आहें भरना
तकिये में सर दे के धीमे धीमे
सरगोशी में बातें करना
पागलपन है ऐसे तुमपे मरना
उबला उबला क्यूँ लगता है?
ये बदन, ये जलन तो खामखां नहीं
खामखां नहीं
ये खलिश जो है, वो खामखां नहीं
हाँ तपिश तो है, पर खामखां नहीं
जो नहीं किया, कर के देखना
सांस रोक के, मर के देखना
ये बेवजह, बेसबब, खामखां नहीं
ये खामखां नहीं...

सारी सारी रात का जगना
खिड़की पे सर रखके उंघते रहना
उम्मीदों का जलना-बुझना
पागलपन है ऐसे तुमपे मरना
खाली खाली दो आँखों में
ये नमक, ये चमक, तो खामखां नहीं
खामखां नहीं
फ़िक्र रहती है, जो खामखां नहीं
ज़िक्र रहता है, जो खामखां नहीं
अश्क आँखों में, भर के देखना
आइना कभी, डर के देखना
ये बेवजह, बेसबब, खामखां नहीं
दीवानगी सही, ये खामखां नहीं
हाँ जुनूं तो है, पर खामखां नहीं...