Solitude has an amazing side effect , it lets you travel like a time machine and can help you oscillate between a mind at peace and a emotional processor performing at its peak , I am experiencing both states .
Have you ever wondered that what your escape most from actually appears right in front of you , all the time, like a immovable boulder . Personality traits that you hate most start harboring in you . It is true and I have realized this of late. I aspired to be a Nomad and what I miss most is the anchor today . I hated everything about my life in young age , Delhi, Punjabis , loud expressions, fixated thoughts and views , irrational beliefs and the whole idea of being married to a mob.
I get a few facebook requests every and then and my inherent anti social trait force me to scrutinize each one for days before I take a call. I got one recently from a lady who was apparently an acquaintance from school and the only thing I remembered about her was her hair .... I had no intellectual or emotional connect with her but courtesy the technology today , she found the time to find me . Not just find me, but vomit her entire landscape of life, kids , Gurgaon houses ...her vacation in Zurich , her Audi and how fondly she remembered me as the shy "news" guy . I used to be the daily news reader and a defacto MC in school , she helped me recollect . I took a sarcastic interest in her story and passed it off as PMS or an early onset on Menopause . I was wrong, she hadn't changed a bit and in during the chat I realized that all the things I hated my life, were things I was returning to. Freak !!!!!!!!! Chai now is my favorite after years of Americano with cream and sugar , My craving for tandoor roasted bhartha , deserting my love for garlic roasted penne , my reunion with my faith , this admiration for old chanchal videos and unadulterated admiration of the divine attire called saree. Was I facing my alter ego or the nomad is being anchored back to his beliefs .
I paused and said ..No ...the whole human relationship piece which traiggered the nomad , has in fact not change done ioata.
I was reminded of my own long held beliefs about human love and its frailty. My overstated comments ” Lovers love only while they are not yet in a fixed relationship. As the relationship settles, love disappears. Once the relationship is fixed, instead of love, something else takes place: possessiveness.”
Every love story ends in a sob story, or even worse, a suicide or a divorce story. More often love is sacrificed at the altar of marriage for the sake of security, social recognition. They still go on calling it love, but it is hate, not love.
Indians should change a bit, instead of saying “I love you” ..say, “I possess you.” From today onwards in lieu of the karwa Chauth fast and a Samsung S3, I will burden you with progeny and an exclusive mating rights (the inverse of which doesn't apply to men btw) Basically people are afraid of their loneliness, and because they cannot be alone they cling to the other person like a lifeline. This very clinging makes the other wriggle out of the bondage. This sentence “I cannot live without you,” is a danger signal. It is against the essential nature of love. Love is a flower that blossoms in freedom. It needs its own space, its own sky, its own sunlight and soil. If lovers don’t give that kind of freedom to each other the flower is bound to die.
It’s unfortunate that there is a great thirst for love but there is no focus on the art of loving. Solitude should be taught to all lovers so as to understand the complexity of love. People have everything that wealth can give them, they are talented but have no training of handling their emotions. All the dark emotions are lurking inside like snakes and scorpios. As a result, when they fall in love they also fall in hate, they fall in jealousy, domination. They try to possess the lover because they don’t possess themselves. After the rosy romance wears off the reality looms up and they start blaming each other for the ugliness of their relationship.
Another misunderstanding about love is that it should be everlasting. On the contrary love is very fragile, it’s like a breeze, it drifts at will. No love can be permanent and that’s why it is so precious. It is a mystery. Love has a date to start and end ....a best before date .
The idea that you can only love one person and nobody else is another killer of love. Words like ‘ infidelity, loyalty’ are old fashioned, they strangulate the aliveness of love. The more lovers are allowed to share their love with others the more they can grow in love. They say, the emotion is blind.
My own thoughts gave me mid afternoon wake up call ..don't get swayed away .
I concluded the chat and told her we should catch up when I am in Gurgaon next ....as expected she said .."yes yes yes ...my hubby owns a pub in a mall" I felt like saying , Thank God ...for small mercies .
She would, of course change her mind, realizing , I will stay at an ISKCON guest House , travel by metro and crave for a choor choor naan and gaffar Market Daal makhni . I am done with Single Malts, Spa Resorts and Davidoff Lights . It was a mirage ...which lived and chased for a long time.
Little do we realize, the "shamshaan" or Burial ground has no two qualities of wood , no distinction between south delhi and jamna paar , no Valet, I will need a few hundred kilos of wood to be covered , a few kilos of Ghee (sorry cows) and liberal use of camphor .
Todays song ..straight from heart ..Gulzar and RD classic and White kurta .
फिर वही रात है, फिर वही रात हैं ख्वाब की
रात भर ख्वाब में देखा करेंगे तुम्हें.....
मासूम सी नींद में, जब कोई सपना चले
हम को बुला लेना तुम, पलकों के परदे तले
ये रात हैं ख्वाब की, ख्वाब की रात है......
काँच के ख्वाब है, आँखों में चुभ जायेंगे
पलकों में लेना इन्हें, आँखों में रुक जायेंगे
ये रात हैं ख्वाब की, ख्वाब की रात है
रात भर ख्वाब में देखा करेंगे तुम्हें.....
मासूम सी नींद में, जब कोई सपना चले
हम को बुला लेना तुम, पलकों के परदे तले
ये रात हैं ख्वाब की, ख्वाब की रात है......
काँच के ख्वाब है, आँखों में चुभ जायेंगे
पलकों में लेना इन्हें, आँखों में रुक जायेंगे
ये रात हैं ख्वाब की, ख्वाब की रात है
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