I haven't blogged for over 4 months, these four months have taken me through a concoction of events on my health front, personal front and social front as well. These four months have been also a constant diagnosis of my physical self and I have been busy diagnosing my emotional self or you could call it the spiritual self . I have been tempted to write many many many times in these four months, but this year has to end , this shadow has to end and I need to look into the eyes of my emotional self and have an eye ball to eye ball conversation. Some of the notes to myself ;
Some people are "Nazdeek" and some are "Kareeb" , both translate near , like in near and dears . Fact is Nazdeek is not like Kareeb. I had a few people who i thought were "Karibi" but all of them without exception turned out to be just "in Touch" with me in person . I have one person as my near and dear , My karibi, My solitude .
Death and fear of death is a great equalizer , all old and young, prince or pauper, famous or otherwise , fear disappearance. Fact is death is a one day event . Farooque Sheikh had an amazing life , trended a day on tweeter , soon he will be fading from memories .....sad but true . I don't intend to make a mark on this world , neither my intent or ability, I just wish to live peacefully and die in similar manner, without causing inconvenience to anyone. I am same boy who walked in CP from bldg to bldg in 1990 to attend complaints, end the day with a 2 rs tea and relish it to core . I saw beautiful women go past me , big cars parked and driven off, big offices being owned, I never wanted to be rich or in company of perceived beauty . Possibly my dreams were wrong , I didn't bastardized myself enough as well, never "eve teased" and never gambled. My emotional quotient is to be blamed .
If you ever think of why nudity is considered offensive despite the fact that we are all same physically, you will realize that men and women want to keep some part of them to themselves . Same logic applies to emotional self , except that I indulged in stripping myself emotionally to my loved ones, never hid anything . My loved ones however saw through me and didn't find me "street smart" enough . I do feel like a person who nude MMS has been leaked on an emotional level ....I Must keep some emotions to myself .
I do wish not to repeat mistakes on last 12 years again .
Keep walking in Solitude .....Welcome to old age , the ride was good ....like every child , I regret that ride was short and i didnt relish it enough ...but these are irrelevant regrets . Fact is I got what i deserved..sau Gram Zindagi.
थोड़ी सी मीठी है,
ज़रा सी मिर्ची है,
सौ ग्राम ज़िन्दगी,
ये संभाल के खर्ची है,
असली है झूठी है,
खालिश है फर्जी है,
सौ ग्राम ज़िन्दगी ये सौ ग्राम ज़िन्दगी ये...
संभाल के खर्ची है
थोड़ी सी मीठी है
ज़रा सी मिर्ची है
देर तक उबाली है
कप में डाली है कड़वी है नसीब सी ये कॉफ़ी गाढ़ी गाढ़ी है
चम्मच भर चीनी हो इतनी सी मर्ज़ी है
सौ ग्राम ज़िन्दगी ये सौ ग्राम ज़िन्दगी ये संभाल के खर्ची है..
खारी है खोटी है रोने को छोटी है धागे से खुशियों को सीलती है दर्जी है
सौ ग्राम ज़िन्दगी ये सौ ग्राम ज़िन्दगी ये...
संभाल के खर्ची है थोड़ी सी मीठी है ज़रा सी मिर्ची है...
ज़रा सी मिर्ची है,
सौ ग्राम ज़िन्दगी,
ये संभाल के खर्ची है,
असली है झूठी है,
खालिश है फर्जी है,
सौ ग्राम ज़िन्दगी ये सौ ग्राम ज़िन्दगी ये...
संभाल के खर्ची है
थोड़ी सी मीठी है
ज़रा सी मिर्ची है
देर तक उबाली है
कप में डाली है कड़वी है नसीब सी ये कॉफ़ी गाढ़ी गाढ़ी है
चम्मच भर चीनी हो इतनी सी मर्ज़ी है
सौ ग्राम ज़िन्दगी ये सौ ग्राम ज़िन्दगी ये संभाल के खर्ची है..
खारी है खोटी है रोने को छोटी है धागे से खुशियों को सीलती है दर्जी है
सौ ग्राम ज़िन्दगी ये सौ ग्राम ज़िन्दगी ये...
संभाल के खर्ची है थोड़ी सी मीठी है ज़रा सी मिर्ची है...
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