It is April 13th again ....26 years now .
This time it is very different , seems very nostalgic , seems I need to live another life, seems I need to run for another 26 to even get started .
I don't remember each day , yes but Highs and Lows I do...So many jobs, cities, houses , relationships ,beloveds, One night stands , roommates , so called friends .....I just kept living from one day to another ....
Some who bothered to walk long (very few in fact ) and most , in the end , asked me to "f off" ...
Will I change or Should I change , Am I good or Am I bad ? Should I chase a mirage called happiness or should I pretend to happy and sorted like everyone else .... These thoughts hound ....but I am guilt as charged . I am wrong because I sought to be a part of the social "usual" , society didn't ask me .
But I know what will not change ....
Ghazals will not, Solitude will not, ...being a Nomad won't ....being emotional won't , being direct wont and . I will still love whoever next wants to come in my life, despite the fact that I know one day , sooner rather than later, they will also ask me to "f off" one day ...
I will not change but this prick in my heart has steered me to "get up and get kicking with a Vengeance " ....
Do i remember all events with a bleeding prick in my heart . I do ...I wish life was simpler , Life was predictable ...Life was usual ....
याद नहीं क्या क्या देखा था .............सारे मंज़र भूल गये,
उसकी गलियों से जब लौटे.............. अपना भी घर भूल गये,
ख़ूब गये परदेस कि अपने दीवार-ओ-दर भूल गये,
शीशमहल ने ऐसा घेरा........ मिट्टी के घर भूल गये,
तुझको भी जब अपनी क़समें अपने वादे याद नहीं,
हम भी अपने ख़्वाब तेरी आँखों में रखकर भूल गये,
मुझको जिन्होने क़त्ल किया है कोई उन्हे बतलाये ”नज़ीर”,
मेरी लाश के पहलू में वो अपना ख़न्जर भूल गये.....
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