The Karma Redemption ....

The first Hour of 2015 couldn't have been more interesting , 4 degrees in the queue at Chintpurni Temple and sounds of Fireworks from remote places . I am a compulsive temple goer since childhood, I do feel connected to certain temples more than others . Just like things and people, some temples trigger a different emotion and etch a different memory. Chintpurni is one such place, I feel connected to the deity at least , it is my assumption. After a crowded yet emotional darshan alone , I was tucked in the bed at Chintpurni Heights at around 0230 am . To push sleep through me , I forced myself to hear some music, which usually helps . The lines were possibly Nida Fazlis deepest expression ......

घर से मस्जिद है बहुत दूर.....चलो, यु कर ले ......किसी रोते हुए बच्चे को हंसाया जाए.... 

हमसफ़र हो कोई वक़्त के वीराने में, सूनी आँखों में, कोई ख्वाब सजाया जाए.......

गम अकेला है तो साँसों को सताता है बहुत, दर्द को दर्द का, हमदर्द बनाया जाए......

रोशनी की भी हिफ़ाज़त है इबादत की तरह, बुझते सूरज से चराग़ों को जलाया जाये....

I did get sleep in a few minutes. This temple is about 3000 kms away from Bangalore. I took an Air Asia flight to Chandigarh and traveled next 200 kms in a cab on 31st December to reach the temple by Midnight. I wanted to conclude the 2014 calendar year in peace and a bit of solitude . The habit to constantly feed myself with Ghazals , triggered a new 2015 thought in me . Every year , I write an A4 sheet of paper , a list of things to do , things I wish to achieve and to be fair to destiny, I have been able to hit 60% of it . I keep impossible things like weight loss and quitting alcohol outside of purview of such plans . One shouldn't test destiny beyond a certain limit . What new did i want to do this year ? I left Chintpurni at 5 am and I saw the day break just past Una , near Nangal Dam . I asked the cab driver the stop at the Satluj Dam ...I wanted to just spend a few minutes watching the might and serenity of Satluj ...In a flash of few minutes , i looked back at the last 5 years and my younger days . I decided on three things to do in this new year . I will change a few stubborn convictions, I will let myself be and I will learn from my early days ..the person I used to be . All three simple things :) 

First: Acquaintances , Friends and Loved Ones .....

One of the lines by Gurdaas Maan have stayed with me all my life ..He uses a Tulsidas Doha in his Prayer he starts his live  shows with ...तुलसी इस संसार में सबसे मिलिये जाय. .......ना जाने किस रूप में नारायण मिल जाय....I had actually restricted my circle of friends to a large extent for a long time, with two assumptions. I didn't have time to try new friends and acquaintances . Second , most people are so multi-layered now that by the time you know them , you start disliking them. In December, I deleted my Facebook, Twitter, Blog and Linkedin . I had a handful of People I would reach out . The landscape of my fiends changed drastically. I decided to follow the directive of Tulsidas , i had possibly gone wrong in ring fencing my friend circle, the circle of my loved ones and ones who possibly wanted to love me . In last 31 days, I reached out to many , acquaintances who could be friends, friends who were once acquaintances. I made time to reach out , which wasn't me for a few years . Surprisingly , to my utter shock, despite the . Relationship is one of the mysteries. And because it exists between two persons, it depends on both. Whenever two persons meet, a new world is created. Just by their meeting, a new phenomenon comes into existence — which was not before, which never existed before and through that new phenomenon, both persons are changed and transformed. Unrelated, you are one thing; related, immediately you become something else. A new thing has happened. A woman when she becomes a lover is no longer the same woman. A Man in love is a different one. 

Each person is a world unto himself or herself, a complex mystery with a long past and an eternal future. In the beginning only peripheries meet. But if the relationship grows intimate, becomes closer, becomes deeper, then day by day centers start converging. When centers meet, it is called love. When peripheries meet, it is acquaintance. You touch the person from the without, just from the boundary, then it is acquaintance. Many times you start calling your acquaintance your love. Then you are in a fallacy. Acquaintance is not love. Just acquaintance, and we think that love has happened. Peripheries meet, and we think we have met. You are not your periphery. Really, the periphery is the boundary where you end, just the fencing around you. It is not you! The periphery is the place where you end and the world begins. Even husbands and wives who may have lived together for many years may be just acquaintances. They may not have known each other. And the more you live with someone, the more you forget completely that the centers have remained unknown.

So the first thing I understood was , don’t take acquaintance as love. Btw, Love is gender agnostic However Love is very rare. To meet a person at his intellectual and emotional center is to pass through a revolution yourself, because if you want to meet a person at his center, you will have to allow that person to reach to your intellectual and emotional center also. You will have to become vulnerable, absolutely vulnerable, open. It is risky. To allow somebody to reach your center is risky, dangerous, because you never know what that person will do to you. And once all your secrets are known, once your hidden thoughts become un-hidden, once you are exposed completely, what that other person will do, you never know. The fear was so much there. That’s why I possibly never opened to most people.

You can allow somebody to enter to your center only when you are not afraid, when you are not fearful. So I say to you that there are two types of living. One: fear-oriented; one: love-oriented. Fear-oriented living can never lead you into deep relationship. You remain afraid, and the other cannot be allowed, cannot be allowed to penetrate you to your very core. To an extent you allow the other and then the wall comes and everything stops. The love-oriented person is the religious person. The love-oriented person means one who is not afraid of the future, one who is not afraid of the result and the consequence, who lives here and now. Don’t be bothered about the result. That is the fear-oriented mind. Don’t think about what will happen out of it. A fear-oriented person is always calculating, planning, arranging, safeguarding and whole life is lost in this way.

Relationship is created by you, but then, in its turn, relationship creates you. Two persons meet, that means two worlds meet. It is not a simple thing but very complex, the most complex.Love is a rare flowering. It happens only sometimes. Millions and millions of people live in the false attitude that they are lovers. They believe that they love, but that is their belief only. Love is a rare flowering. Sometimes it happens. It is rare because it can happen only when there is no fear, never before. That means love can happen only to a very deeply spiritual, religious person. Physical Intimacy is possible for all. Acquaintance is possible for all. Not love. When you are not afraid, then there is nothing to hide, then you can be open, then you can withdraw all boundaries. And then you can invite the other to penetrate you to the very core, your emotional and intellectual core.

The issue is, if you allow somebody to penetrate you deeply, the other will allow you to penetrate into himself or herself, because when you allow somebody to penetrate you, trust is created. When you are not afraid, the other becomes fearless. In your love, fear is always there. The husband is afraid of the wife, the wife is afraid of the husband. Lovers are always afraid. Then it is not love. Then it is just an arrangement of two fearful persons depending on each other, fighting, exploiting, manipulating, controlling, dominating, possessing — but it is not love. The doors of love only open for the person who is prepared to let his or her ego go. To surrender one's ego for someone else is love; to surrender one's ego for all is divine love. Without love man is an individual, an elaborate ego. He has  no link with other people. This is gradual death. Life, on the other hand, is interrelation.Love surpasses the duality of the ego

For a non-lover, every moment is a death, because every moment something is being snatched away from him. The body is disappearing, he is losing every moment. And then there will be death, and everything will be annihilated. The more you possess, the less you can love. And love is the door. Or, the less you can love, the more you start possessing things. Things become a substitute.

My lessons are learnt, loving someone who doesn't understand love is a futile and painful exercise whoever it is . I met new acquaintances instead this month. Their depth surprised me, a 28 year old writer whose depth surprises me with each post, whose simplicity is so humbling. A 35 yr single parent, breezing through issues of life with smile, a writer, who gets fired from work but carries on tirelessly and comes with with a positive kick, an old school mate , who will always be the most unbiased coach and mentor , a couple friend , who don't judge you for your mistakes and spend a full night listening to the imprints of your persona . Acquaintances can become loved ones, if we allow our egos to drop and risk all you protect .... 

Second : Sometimes , Just let it be ...

This is the easiest thing to say and possibly one of the most difficult ones to do. We live in a fallacy that we drive our life , we own it, we create it and we destroy it, that we choose happiness over sorrow, bliss over solitude . Fact is we are mere insignificant contributors to journey of Life , Karma is important but it doesn't have immediate rewards , it has its own cycle . I was told by someone once that "there is nothing I cant buy with Money". When people are unfair , i just say , I did my karma let them do theirs . I will let God decide on fairness. It wasn't easy to reach that conclusion. It is always god's domain to give a message to unfair . Sometimes a man must choose not to respond . 

Third : Back To roots.... 

Simplicity is ultimate sophistication. Some thoughts should keep hammering your soul . I posted this piece in Hindi , in response to my fav blogger .

पतझड़ के बाद ही वसंत आती है, जब सीता वन में थी तो उससे सोने का हिरन चाहिए था , जब सोने की लंका में थी तो राम राम करती थी। जब दिल्ली आया था तो याद आया , देवकी नंदन पाण्डेय आल इंडिया रेडियो पे समाचार सुनाते थे , मेरे बचपन में , अब अरनब गोस्वामी की चीखम चिल्ली ही समाचार है .......जसदेव सिंह की हिंदी कमेंटरी ....अब हर्षा भोगले के आगे हार गयी  ....... 

जिस साम्राज्य का सूरज नहीं डूबता था , अब उनके वाइसराय की पौशाक बैंड वाले पहनते है , अब शहरों में दूरी कम हो रही है , इंसानो में बढ़ रही है  … घड़ियाँ हर हाथ में है , पर समय कम है …… उजाला बल्ब से बनाया जा सकता है , सर्दी की धूप नहीं, मोबाइल के दौर के आशिक को क्या पता , रखते थे कैसे ख़त  में कलेजा निकाल के ……

भाग सब रहे है , पहुँच कोई नहीं रहा …

Concluding with a ghazal which has been my absolute favourite ....some lesser used  urdu words are translated below ...

Btw...I havent been to  a temple since Jan 1 .....


वो हमसफ़र था मगर उस से हमनवाई न थी

के धूप छाँव का आलम रहा, जुदाई न थी


अदावतें थीं, तग़ाफ़ुल था, रंजिशें थीं मगर

बिछड़ने वाले में सब कुछ था, बेवफ़ाई न थी


न अपना रंज, न अपना दुख, न औरों का मलाल

शब-ए-फ़िराक़ कभी हम ने यूँ गँवाई न थी


बिछड़ते वक़्त, उन आँखों में थी हमारी ग़ज़ल

ग़ज़ल भी वो जो किसी को अभी सुनाई न थी


कभी ये हाल के दोनों में यक-दिली थी बहुत

कभी ये मर्हला, जैसे के आशनाई न थी


मुहब्बतों का सफ़र कुछ इस तरह भी गुज़रा था

शिकस्ता-दिल थे मुसाफ़िर, शिकस्ता-पाई न थी


किसे पुकार रहा था वो डूबता हुआ दिन

सदा तो आई थी, लेकिन कोई दुहाई न थी


अजीब होती है राह-ए-सुख़न भी देख नसीर

वहाँ भी आ गए आख़िर, जहाँ रसाई न थी

Some words.....

हमनवाई = अनुरूपता - similar tastes


आलम = अवस्था - state of mind

अदावत = बैर - disconnect

तग़ाफ़ुल= उदासीनता, उपेक्षा - ignorance

मलाल = अफ़सोस - regret

शब-ए-फ़िराक़ = जुदाई की रात

यक-दिली = घनिष्ठता, एकता- closeness

मर्हला = पड़ाव, stage

आशनाई = जान-पहचान - acquaintance

शिकस्ता-दिल = heartbroken

शिकस्ता-पाई = पैरों का टूटा हुआ होना - immobile

सदा = आवाज़ -

राह-ए-सुख़न = बातचीत की राह

रसाई = पहुँच - access