I often wonder when did humans start to Judge , the very early days of slotting individuals, would have been based on what other "see" in you , the second level of judgement would be based on what they "experience" with you . Has this changed at all, since man was a primitive animal , probably not . How do we judge ourselves , primarily two modes I guess , what we see in ourselves , the mirrors that show us how we look and the social pedestal we are on , which is based on society's perceptions and convictions . The primitive human may have seen their reflection in water and hence categorised if what looked was pleasing or unappealing , How we judge ourselves also remains pretty much unchanged . Despite our claim of evolution , our ability to read fellow humans remain extremely primitive and prejudiced . We have biases and Prejudice based on our conviction that we know of . That said , there are biases that are 'silent" within . Heart wrenching as it may sound, often people who would "judge" you fairly would be people who don't actually know you for a long time . When we stumble upon information about our personality , it is of course disquieting and exasperating. I had this experience few weeks back , reading an article about "excruciatingly intense people" . Reading that article , I thought, do we really read people well ? At least I dont . Time and again , I have read them wrong, like totally wrong .
I often wondered if people we meet, can be read as simply as Labels on products , or can we be read that way . The labels listed below are from Packaging of various products and my point of view on each . I only wish , people had those labels and we read them , as we meet them .
Contains added Artificial Colours and Flavours : We never wish to reveal who we really like to anyone except a very very few people . We keep building "avtaars" , personalities into personalities , one for work, one for facebook, one for spouse, one for friends and in the end the real one is lost . We colour ourselves and our personas so constantly that the colour we really are ends up being muted and mutilated . I love people who can reveal their real colours and flavours . There is a sher that I must quote .
आरिज़-ओ-लब सादा रहने दो, ताजमहल पे रंग न डालो, मैखाने में आए वाइज़, इनको भी इंसान बना लो......
May Contain Nuts : People have their grey side , a deep grey side , an eccentric side and an absolute black side . I have always believed that revealing your grey side is like placing absolute trust . Being Nude in person is easy , being nude in soul is difficult . Inside our clothes, we are all same people but how many people do you know eccentric side of ? In last 5 years , I have been constantly reminded that it's not the best approach , No one wants to know true self. It's too nude to know , too raw to handle. These "nuts" some may be allergic too, a forewarning however never comes.
Maximum Retail Price : A few days back , I was reading a reader's digest article on depression and it had a reference to a lady in her Mid thirties who had a relationship with her husband's younger cousin . In narrating her story, she mentions that initially she invested time, energy , her physical self in the relationship and slowly she realised she had laid bare her entire persona , her likes and dislikes , her fears and strengths , her strong and weak points to this man who was 10 years younger . After a failed attempted suicide , she wrote about price she paid to address solitude . There is a price one pays for every relationship and the price varies . Just like we usually look for "cheaper" options , people wish to acquire relationships with lesser price tags and hence people are interested in sex, because sex is not risky. It is momentary, you don’t get involved. Love is involvement’ it is commitment. It is not momentary. It is expensive . Once it takes roots, it can be forever. It can be a lifelong involvement. Love needs emotional, intellectual and social intimacy, and only when you are intimate does the other become a mirror. When you meet sexually with a woman or a man, you have not met at all’ in fact, you avoided the soul of the other person. Once you let the person experience your soul , which is all aspects of your personality , the entire landscape of emotions , it becomes difficult to disconnect with that person . People just use the body and escape, and the other uses your body and escapes. Make no mistake, it doesn't just happen to one kind of people , happens to all including the so called "educated and mature" . Strangely they will rave about this selfish exchange as "love" , which amuses me . You never became intimate enough easily to reveal each other’s original faces. The people who say life is meaningless are the people who have not known love. All that they are saying is that their life has missed love. Love gives you the first experience of being in tune with something that is not your ego. Love gives you the first lesson that you can fall into harmony with someone who has never been part of your ego. Love is a ladder to higher state of being . Love is the beginning and it is "expensive " affair , you will need to invest a lot of time, effort and emotions . Check the MRP before you buy .
Shake Well Before Use : Some people appear initially as extremely warm and forthcoming but you have to "shake well" expose them to good and bad , ups and downs , shake well and the real composition of their personalities may reveal. Good Time attract good short term relationships . Bad Times reveal who will stay back when you shake well .
Best Before : I strongly connect with that label , this is possibly the most critical label . We invest immense amount of time and emotions on each relationship, kids , parents , partners and work , all included . Deep Connection with people is a very difficult thing to execute . People prefer shallow relationships as they have a short shelf life and the best before date is easy to predict . These "perishable " relationships however always come across as long term relationships. The easy check on "non perishable" relationship is that it will survive ones the two people have no purpose to stay connected other than emotions. While we are able to read the shelf life in things with people, we keep such relationships in the "refrigerator" called social rituals . These relationships which will survive beyond birthday wishes , facebook likes and gifts.Then there are some real "non perishable" kinds . Some relationships are designed to be short lived , even despite the fact you would want them to last a lifetime .
Crush After Use : Amongst the many ways to conclude the relationships , some choose to crush after use and some quietly dispose it off to a dark corner of their memories . All disconnects bleed, some are like surgical cuts . Painful , yet have a scar .
While I often post Ghazals , I also collect some contemporary poetic work, which i feel is well written . Safarnama from Tamasha is one by Irshad Kamil .
ओ सफ़रनामा
सवालों का सफ़रनामा
शुरू तुमसे, खत्म तुम पे ......सफ़रनामा
ओ जिसे ढूंढा
ज़माने में, मुझ ही में था
ओ मेरे सारे जवाबों का सफ़रनामा
मेरी ओर से उठा तेरी ओर को क़दम
मिलेंगे हम
ओ सफ़रनामा
ख्यालों का सफ़रनामा
अंधेरे में, उजालों का सफ़रनामा
ओ सवेरे सा
पुराना भी, उजालों का सफ़रनामा
ओ सवेरे सा
पुराना भी, नया भी है
ओ मुहब्बत की मिसालों का सफ़रनामा
मेरी ओर से उठा तेरी ओर को क़दम
मिलेंगे हम..
पहला.. मिलेंगे हम..
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