Half a Hero

As a  result of my last week's blog post , some interesting and meaningful  conversations were triggered with  a  few   acquaintances, strangers and friends . Some questions revolved around  my interest in  blog writing, Poetry , Music and  contemporary philosophy . Some wanted to know the "Return on Investment" . The answer may be unconvincing,  I have heard ghazals since I was 13 (1983 , Arth released that year ) related to them , loved them even when I didn't fully understand their depth . I can only bear "some" kind of books , mainly poetry, Indian fiction and new age  spirituality . I have been writing a blog since 2009.  Truth be brutally told , readers and friends will come and go , this excruciatingly intense interest in the percolated philosophy called Ghazals will stay . All Investments , of time and effort are not intended to have a return.  

I have often used this quote, Everybody is a Hero in the story of their life . So what if everyone alive today, everyone around us,  was to  write  their autobiography , how would they portray themselves . I am sure everyone will make a self portrayal as a Hero or a Protagonist who won despite all odds .    If everyone is  a Hero in the world then who is the villain  , who are the others , who are the false heros . My early impressions in life came a lot  from movies , ones which were telecast non stop during election results , ones seen on Rental VCR (There used to be  a thing like that , rent a VCR overnight and see as many movies u can) . Local Video Libraries introduced me to Kabhi Kabhi , Silsila , Aandhi, Kinara, Arth , Saath Saath , Golmaal  and classics like Guide and Prem Pujari . Hindi Movies  have a very well defined yet repeated narrative  on characters . Those characters leave an indelible mark on you . I am sure when we see movies , we see some part of us in the character and realize subconsciously that some part of the character lives in us .  That's how we silently become "fans" because stories are like mirrors , if you see a lot of you in it , you will like it . 

Courage is beauty :  Its tough not to fall in love with Yash Chopra's version of a female protagonist . White Chiffon suits , long hair and   talkative eyes . Fact is that most of it is a  function of a "genetic coincident" . Some people  have also been a bit surprised by  the choice of people  i admire .  Who you like tells a lot about your own personality , we connect socially first , emotionally and eventually subconsciously. The subconscious connect is a function of your own deep rooted likes and dislikes . I Love Usha Uthup . Not just her voice, her ability to carry a sari so gracefully in live shows, her unique vocals, a large bindi , her story from being a bar singer to  a grandmother , gives  me a motivational high . I only like Mahie Gill in the current breed of female lead actresses . At Age 30,  Mahie Gill , after alcohol de-addiction and  a messy high profile divorce , left Chandigarh for  Mumbai for  a career . At age 41 today, she has made  a mark . No One  remembers Seema Biswas from "Bandit Queen" , no one will but  I haven't seen anyone "act" better ever . Monica Lewinsky didn't commit suicide after half the so called modern developed world hounded her , judged her and banished her . She is still around and as gutsy as always . Chitra Singh , a mother and  a traditional Bengali housewife ,  fell in love with a Young unknown singer from Punjab who accidently became her harmonium teacher . She went on marry Jagjit Singh and make history. Choose who you like carefully , its not them you like , its some of part of you in them . Don't  fall for people who are "genetically gifted" , Courage is Beauty . 

The Seductive Villain:  A few aspects of the the original character sketch of a villain , I remember very vividly , he/she is attractive , he/she has power to seduce , he/she is a false hero as he/she relies on lies and takes selfish decisions . Read again . This might seem like the description of today's hero . Over last 100 years , the sense of individual freedom in choices have created a  marketplace for seduction . The anxiety of a contemporary woman or man is that how much are they "valued" or "desired" , a bigger designation, a faster car , enviable living style , Swiss watch and of course , the looks . On the free market of individual desires, people evaluate their value  every day. Hence the anxiety of contemporary man/woman leads them to hysterically collect more symbols of desirability. I call this "seduction Capital" .  Indeed, our consumer society is largely based on seduction capital. It is said about this consumption that our age is materialistic. But it's not true! We only accumulate objects in order to communicate with other minds. We do it to make them love us, to seduce them. Nothing could be less materialistic, or more sentimental, than a teenager buying brand new jeans and tearing them at the knees, because he wants to please his icon or followers of his icon .Consumerism is not materialism.  It is a senseless pursuit of seduction capital . More selfies , More self glorying posts and more talked about . In light of this observation on contemporary affection , I can imagine that this phenomenon  of narcissistic capitalization will intensify. It is hard to say what shape this intensification will take, But I can, for instance, imagine a  website which, a bit like those loyalty points programs, uses seduction capital points that vary according to  age, my height/weight ratio,  degree, salary, or the number of clicks on your last  profile picture .  There is an incident that has been playing on my head for past many weeks . I had totally forgotten about it . About almost 9 years ago , I was travelling to Manila with a few other folks , all much younger , single and some married . I had lived in manila for a year before that trip . I asked everyone if they had anything particular in mind, to shop . Everyone agreed on DVDs as one. One of these guys was  a cheeky handsome fellow who always had this smirk on his face. We went to this large market of some 1000 odd DVD shops , everyone decided to meet at the Dunkin Donuts joint,  when done shopping . Me  and him reached back first , he asked me what I bought, I showed him my collection of movies which had Lamhe ,  Chandni and others . I asked him , what he had bought  as well, purely out of curiosity . He said 'same ,Chandni only , except that she is without clothes"and repeated his  smirk  . He went on to justify his shopping without me asking anything . He said , I am getting married soon and i need such "love stories" I smiled sarcastically. ,  I should have guessed that the image of the  female protagonist may come from a porn movie  for some . That said ,  I am not judging him for his choice on any other  yardstick , two individuals are different . Everyone sees their own kinds and everyone chooses their own "Heros". Infact the villain could be the Hero for some and vice versa . 

We Chase Shadows : Someone I once knew  well,  pointed out to me a few months back that I often refer to myself as a third person . Story reading does that to you, it allows you to see yourself a caricature of the person you come across as someone else and then be able to either encourage criticism of your own persona or build a sense of false pride . Its important that you distance yourself from your "Protagonist" view of yourself , step away and look at  yourself from a distance . An interesting phenomenon is that we not only over time "chase" a character sketch like a Mirage . We are all chasers , largely . A big big flock of chasers and we like people who are chasing what we are chasing . Doctors like doctors, successful couples like their clones . It makes the falsehood of the hollow chase much more worthwhile . That's why society has a predictable   pattern . Chasing such character sketches is a very futile phenomenon yet immensely popular  . Every girl wants to be barbie, and every Kid a Spider-man or something even more violent . I noticed people spend thousands in specialized make up for their wedding day . Chasing an image in their  head of princess marrying her knight in shining Armour .  Poor uneducated people don't but "fairness" products " worth thousand crores a year , so called "educated India" does . We don't try to "be" , we try to "become" . "You"  is not to be found outside. No teacher, no scripture, no make up  can give it to you. It is inside you and if you wish to attain it, seek your own company., just be  yourself.  “Each person comes into this world with a specific destiny–he has something to fulfil, some message has to be delivered, some work has to be completed. You are not here accidentally–you are here meaningfully. There is a purpose behind you.  Chasing a shadow is not my purpose. 

As time progresses , one realizes that one cant choose to be  a hero, there is a villain in all of us , there is a comic side kick also in us . Life makes you encounter people with different convictions , No one walks your journey , no one cant . The explanation is a totally futile exercise ,  no one will ever get it . Just because they dont , it doesn't make you less of an Hero . No One is a one way or the other , we are all half a hero .

Begin again and Keep Walking .....

Bashir Badr , poetry for all reasons and seasons .....

मैं ग़ज़ल की शबनमी आंख से ये दुखों के फूल चुना करूं, मेरी सल्तनत मेरा फ़न रहे, मुझे ताज़ो-तख़्त ख़ुदा न दे
मेरे दिल की राख कुरेद मत, इसे मुस्करा के हवा न दे, ये चराग़ फिर भी चराग़ है, कहीं तेरा हाथ जला न दे