It took time ........

Last night , when I was driving back home from an office get together, the "random" feature in the car's music system threw up  an amazing ghazal which  reminded me of a conversation, years ago,  with a friend , who said "The whole world has a Do Not Disturb sign on their door, you are the only human I have ever known whose signboard says, "Don't worry if you are disturbed, we can handle it " . I smiled and ignored. The perception wasn't totally right but it's true that I do bend backward to do a few things most people won't. What you "do" is always dependent on "who you are" as a  personality.

कांटो से दामन उलझाना मेरी आदत है, दिल में पराया दर्द बसाना मेरी आदत है
मेरा गला अगर कट जाये तो तुझ पर क्या इल्जाम, हर कातिल को गले लगाना मेरी आदत है
जिनको दुनिया ने ठुकराया जिनसे है सब दूर,ऐसे लोगों को अपनाना मेरी आदत है
सब की बाते सुन लेता हूँ मैं चुपचाप मगर,अपने दिल की करते जाना मेरी आदत है

Today's blog is about folks I had difficulty relating to.  It's been 5 months of an "unspirited" me time and hence some old conversations can be easily jotted down now.  I took time to put these non-negotiable convictions in bits and bytes (not ink). 

The "Almost" folks: My wicked and almost offending sense of sarcasm kicks in regularly, at least a few days a week, when people ping on Whatsapp and ask, How are you, I reply "almost well" . Just because that's a stupid question to ask in my view. On same lines, you will have a few "almost" friends in your life, who "almost" like you, who will "almost " agree with and "almost" judge you and hate you. I also call them "furniture folks". They are furniture in your life, good to have but not critical for survival. You can live in  an empty house happy but unhappy in a  furniture filled house . Ambiguity kills more possibilities than failure ever did.  It's fair to look around and identify the "almost" people. When I meet people, I make my best effort to be fair, warm, affectionate, transparent, non-judgemental and open to all, from strangers to neighbours and colleagues. Once I have made my best attempt and reciprocation remains "almost" , it is a sign to take a firm call . My call is simple , if they need you, they will embrace all of you "as is" else let them be "almost happy" and continue socially accepted reciprocations of rituals . In keeping the "almost" folks around , gives life a false sense of estimation, a false hope. I often ask people , who are people , you would call if you are kidnapped, jailed or diagnosed with cancer . The people they count are so "untested" for these situations . Unlike kids , whose standard fallback  mechanism is parents or parent , adults often don't have this figured out .  They have an estimation base on how it looks as of the moment, it could be parents, partner, siblings , friends or neighbors but all this remains untested till an exigency turns up .  I had written some time back .

खुल के चलने की जुर्रत आपसे होगी नहीं , और मेरे उसूलों में कोई चोर दरवाज़ा नहीं...
वक़्त के साथ सब हकीकतें खुलती गयी, रंज जो मुझको है , उसका आपको अंदाजा नहीं....
सही को सही कहा , चाहे कितनी मुश्किलें हुई, और जब ऐसा किया , मैं डगमगाया नहीं....

The "Udhaar" folks: Udhaar means borrowing, as life progressed, I realized that a large part of our respective lives is based on  "borrowed" convictions.  Our belief in religion,  food habits, language, choice of career, hobbies and even political convictions are very much borrowed . They are borrowed from parents, school mates, teachers, friends, cousins, TV stars, and movies. I read a very nice sher by Wareem Barelvi a few weeks back. 

घरों की तरबियत क्या आ गयी टीवी के हाथों में , कोई बच्चा अपने माँ बाप पर नहीं जाता...

On a serious note, decades ago,  it used to be parents, grandparents, neighbors , then it evolved to school, books, newspapers and these days it is iPad , TV and WhatsApp . The purpose of education, in my view, was to let you think better, make better decisions on your own,  not decisions as to which brand of car you should buy or which portal you should advertise your old TV on . It was to make decisions that leave a positive impact on your social circle, state , country or mankind,  actions which leave an indelible mark on someone .  Despite holding enviable degrees, i see the "educated" middle-class aping and borrowing what all could possibly be borrowed. Without entering the criticism arena , most men who would use profanity on an auto driver when he cuts them off on the road, are the same men , who spend a 500 Rs Ticket to see a convicted drunk driver (also same man who proudly used violence on his then beloved ) playing a wrestler on screen. Women who follow and idolise Sushmita Sen however would judge another woman who had a failed relationship or is a  "single" parent. These hypocrisies dominate our thoughts because our convictions are borrowed . I have adored and respected men and women who have built their lives on strong convictions . A quick example of borrowed intellect is food habits , i am a vegetarian by choice , to me , Meat is Cruel . I have stopped consuming paneer and cheese of late and avoid them as much as i can , in my view , Milk is as as cruel on a cow/buffalo as egg are on the  the poultry animal .The amount of pain induced to produce more milk is sickening .  I am not sure if anyone notices ,  man is the possibly the only animal which continues to feed on milk much after it is needed. Not only that , it robs the other animals of it . I cant comprehend the selective day vegetarians (no meat on Thursday and Tuesday type ) same as I cant understand hardcore vegetarians feasting on Dairy Solids . Human being breed 10 Billion animals a year to kill for food . No other animal kills other animals in this magnitude and with such audacity. 

Another example  of borrowed conviction is religion , in my view , No book, no building , no place, no ritual , nothing signifies God . God is first , an experience ,  the manifestation of the ecosystem of "Good" . My favourite writer Hassan Nisar was asked in an interview recently as to how much "zakat"  is mandated . Zakat  is a form of alms-giving and religious tax in Islam. As one of the Five Pillars of Islam, zakat is a religious obligation for all Muslims, same as prayers. He said , every month i ensure that someone's day is made better because of what i "do" right . Every year , if I made a positive difference to one person's life , it's Zakat for me. God  is an extremely individual pursuit , as individualistic as an orgasm . neither can you explain nor propagate such experiences . Propagation hence to me is all false . 

I also wish to say that some people think I am anti X or Y religion , I am not.  I am anti cruelty and disagree with  any religion which restricts the shape and form in which I see the almighty .

To quote two poets, Kanwar Grewal and Gulzar on this.

सजदे विछावा मैं , गली गली , जिस शहर विच मेरा यार वसदा, कमाना पेंदा ऐ , एथे रब्ब ना कोई उधार लब्दा !

I pursue my beloved where he/she is , which town and street, you have to earn your God, you can't borrow him (here because Gulzar is a  "Ishq ae haqiqi" follower, a belief system in which beloved is referred to as God )

कोशिश तां कीती ऐ  ,लभन लायी लखां ने , जिन्हां ने तू दिसदा है , ओ कोई होर ही अखां ने

पत्थर दी इमारत है जिथे जा के बेने आ , तेरा पता नहीं मिलदा , उंज नाम तां  लेने आ

Millions have tried to find you but to who you are visible are some blessed eyes.

It is a concrete structure where we sit to pray, call your name also but can't find you.

The "Comparison" folks: In this world which is full of repetitive and comparative events and experiences, it is difficult to find a tribe of people, who refrain from a comparison . To me, each Human being is as unique as their fingerprint, their journey, their convictions and their depth is so individual that comparisons and generalizations are almost criminal and excruciatingly disturbing.  I am made of my fault lines, mentally, emotionally, intellectually and physically.  I am no comparison, even to my siblings, good or bad , the concept of comparison itself is hurtfully intimidating. When you compare one person to another, you may be making a fair comparison based on your view but that belittles a life time of journey for someone. Find the individual in the person in front of you and do not use a yardstick you know of . Truth be told, In last few months, I lost friends to this conviction but I would rather lose a friend than lose my self respect. Science has come up with a new study on patternicity. The conclusion of the  study is that belief is the natural state of things. It is the default option. We just believe. We believe all sorts of things. Belief is natural; disbelief, skepticism, science, is not natural. It's more difficult. It's uncomfortable to not believe things. Well, we all do, and the reason for that is because we have a belief engine in our brains. Essentially, we are pattern-seeking primates. We connect the dots: A is connected to B; B is connected to C. And sometimes A really is connected to B, and that's called association learning. We find patterns, we make those connections, whether it's that picture in comics which, when turned upside down would turn a woman's face into a bearded man's face. The issue is that you will find someone who is not a pattern, he is different to the "pattern" and if you would see them as one of the crowd then that could be very offending. The "comparison folks" hurt, intentionally or unintentionally, but they do, every time they make a comparison. 

अक्ल से अपनी ऐहतेजाज़ करके भी अब क्या मिले, खुदरंग जो दिखाई देते थे, सबरंग शख्सियत निकले.......

Today's ghazal has been on the my "Dopamine" playlist since I heard it first....Nida Fazli, Jagjit, and Asha.