Anhad

Anhad means a limitless and self manifesting sound from within. The reason I chose this as the title for today's post is that this is to look back at 32 years. Sounds of self-conviction of these 32 years of whats formed me. April 13th, 1988 is possibly the date that has the deepest engraving on my memories. Walking back after my chemistry practical from school to the bus stand, was a time to introspect at time that had passed and time ahead. In no specific order, jotting down some of the convictions.

Be a good Utility: In Indians society, at least in the era I was born in, a male child was seen as a utility and a female child as a responsibility. Being an elder male child in the family of 3 children, a deep conviction had taken place even before I was in my teens that, the purpose of your life is to be a reliable utility. Say yes to every task and responsibility assigned to you, if not given, ask for it or just assume responsibility. That's the key purpose of life. From adjusting TV antenna to flour mill runs, from being my mother's first responder for household chores to being my dad's obedient doer, being a trusted utility came naturally to me. When I look back at these 32 years, it continues to be who I am. Be a good utility.

Trust the Divine: Compared to my siblings, I was exposed to a range of religious rituals and practices, my mother was a Durga devotee, hence her convictions had an influence on me, Dad was an OSHO follower, the school was run by Arya samaj Punjabis, my nanajee was a Shiva devotee and paternal grandparents were Krishna devotees, added to these were the Gurudwaras, who pulled me towards them for three things, harmonium/tabla, cleanliness, and Karah Prasad. Possibly my deepest memory of childhood is Narendra Chanchal's Chowki at Jhandewalan temple in Navratris. His musical instruments, his persona, and Punjabi bhents are still close to my heart. Temples will always be a part of my persona. Fasting and other rituals as well stay as one of my deepest convictions. My biggest spiritual convictions however came from the stories of Hindu scriptures I heard from Nana and Nani , my dada and Dadi didnt share stories but answered what we do and why we do practice. One of the stories , that i often quote is from Bhagavad Gita, it about Karna and Hona , we can DO (hum kar sakte hain) jo hona hai woh hona hai.

My introduction to Bhagavad was that first lesson that souls continue , bodies die . Gita isnt a attempt to win a war or about krishna being a war mentor , its his attempt to awaken the indestructible soul within Arjun . first thing Arjun faces is fear. Arjun is the warrior but faces fear and dichotomy. Its a dilemma . No battle in life is without dilemma. All battles have the dilemma. Battle to win ur own Kurukshetra, ur inner conflict first. Knowledge is superior but action is even superior, path of knowledge and path of action converge. This was my Nanajee's way of convincing that kshatriya dharm is duty to DO the right action, the swadharma and right action is always selfless. 

That story goes like this , Karna asks Krishna - "My mother left me the moment I was born. Is it my fault I was born an illegitimate child? I did not get education from Dhronacharya because I was considered a non Kshatriya. Parshu-Raam taught me but then gave me the curse to forget everything since I was a kshatriya. A cow was accidentally hit by my arrow & its owner cursed me for no fault of mine. I was disgraced in Draupadi's swayamvar. Even Kunti finally told me the truth only to save her other sons. Whatever I received was through Dhuryodhana's charity. So how am I wrong in taking his side?"

Krishna replies, "Karna, I was born in a jail. Death was waiting for me even before my birth. The night I was born I was separated from my birth parents. From childhood you grew up hearing the noise of swords, chariots, horses, bow and arrows. I got only cow herd's shed, dung, and multiple attempts on my life even before I could walk! No army, no education. I could hear people saying I am the reason for all their problems. When all of you were being appreciated for your valour by your teachers I had not even received any education. I joined gurukula of Rishi Sandipani only at the age of 16!

You are married to a girl of your choice. I didn't get the girl I loved & rather ended up marrying those who wanted me or the ones I rescued from demons.

I had to move my whole community from the banks of Yamuna to far off Sea shore to save them from Jarasandh. I was called a coward for running away. If Duryodhana wins the war you will get lot of credit. What do I get if Dharmaraj Yudhishtra wins the war? Only the blame for the war and all related problems.

Remember one thing Karna. Everybody has challenges in life. LIFE IS NOT FAIR ON ANYBODY. Duryodhan also has a lot of unfairness in life and so has Yudhishthira. 

But what is Right (Dharma) is known to your mind (conscience). No matter how much unfairness we got, how many times we were disgraced, how many times we were denied what was due to us, what is important is how you REACTED at that time. Stop whining Karna. Life's unfairness does not give you license to walk the wrong path of adhrma...

I still relate to that story every day . 

Financial independence and Frugality: My parents and grandparents were migrants from West Punjab, after partition they were left homeless, penniless refugees in a tough environment. They learned to manage money carefully, not being miser but being frugal. I carefully weighed every purchase from a Chai to cars, in life. My Nanajee used to give 10 rupees to my Nani and me. In that 10 Rs, we had to buy everything we needed for a Diwali. That obviously meant almost nothing for Crackers which I found a sheer waste of money. One of the lessons he gave me was that a rich person is not one who has money, one should always be in a position to lend than borrow. Be a donor and not a recipient. My dad used to throw all coins he had in the loft of our drawing room's loft, we would climb up that loft every Navratri and collect those coins for a Diwali purchase. I can recollect many frugal purchase decisions that may look stupid today but I am still proud of them. Some of the early convictions were , first , always be in a position to give and not take, second , you are  a slave of your wants , expect less and you will always be reasonably happy and third is that never make money out of speculations , bets and shortcuts. Thats one mental block why i have never invested in stocks well . 

Food is not about taste, it's about passion : Unlike a lot of people i know , food really wasn't even an issue till started working at 18 , when I started to travel, i realised the value and impact of food . My favourite food story is from a place called Kalka . After a night train journey to kalka and doing my work till 11 am, I stepped into a roadside dhaba where you were charged only for dal , rotis were free . The entire meal costed me 5 Rs. The sheer passion with which that old couple ran the small joint made me so emotional. Food is not just what you cook, it's the passion with which you cook and serve. Other tastes i developed were basic yet great street food , Shiv Mishtaan Bhandar in Chandni Chowk, Sita Ram Bhatures , Shyam Lassi wala in Shahdara , Choor Choor nan in Pahar ganj and above all , Kulfi at gyaanis in chandni chowk. The best revelation in all this food was that the most unrecognised ingredient of food is sheer passion. Cook and serve with passion to make someone happy .

Thats another conviction.

Know your roots : How many of us know the names of our seven ancestors , or least 5 , I would be surprised if ppl know their great grandfather's  name . I took a keen interest in who we were and how we evolved . Chhabras are primarily Krishna Devotee Khsatriyas  from Chhab and my maternal grandparents are Chawlas and as the folklore goes were responsible for introducing rice farming on banks of Sindh , Jhelum and Raavi. Its natural to take pride in one's roots but its another matter to be convinced that we as living beings are a mere cog in the wheel of history . One more Chhabra who is supposed to play his part on this relay race. 

Music is the language of the soul : Possibly my first introduction to music was listening to radio , hawa mahal program on vividh bharti and ameen sayani and the frequent attendance in Gurudwaras where shabds were sung so passionately. The instruments connected with me , non electronic ones , harmonium , flute, voilin, santoor  and tabla. in 1988, Mirza Ghalib TV series , intruduced me to Ghazals and jagjit singh . Ghazals I must say are an integral part of my persona .When emotions want to travel to your soul, they take the wings of melody and they make that eternal journey .

More convictions when i get time next time . 

Todays ghazal is .....

मुझे रंज ओ ग़म से फुर्सत, ना हुई , ना है , ना होगी 

कभी खत्म ये  मुसीबत , ना हुई , ना है , ना होगी 

तुझे दिल से चाहता हूँ , ये  खुदा भी जानता है 

किसी और से मोहब्बत, ना हुई , ना है , ना होगी 

जिसे दिल से मैंने चाहा , उसे बेवफ़ा मैं कह दूँ 

मेरे दिल की ऐसी ज़ुर्रत , ना हुई , ना है , ना होगी 

ये  समझ लिया है मैंने, के खुदा है बस मोहब्बत 

किसी और की  इबादत , ना हुई , ना है , ना होगी