I last blogged a year ago, my last blog was on Jan 9th 2022, I had almost forgotten that this blog was my favourite thing , as favourite as food , travel, cars and mobiles are for some people . I started this blog in 2011. like 11-plus years back . When I find time, I do read my old posts (which are more like my persona diary) I am often amused by how I am both constant and evolving at the same time. This dichotomy is so amazing to absorb but I would largely be constant in my values and evolving in my convictions. Blogs are the like camera of thoughts, just like google photos notifications bring memories back, this blog does too.
Last year was exceptional, absolutely exceptional in the previous 22 years. My father passed away, and I spent some memorable time with him in his last days. I had knee surgery and changed 2 jobs. All this gave me a lot of introspection time. At 52, possible this is the final stage of a male menopause, and I feel age's propulsion energy behind me. That said , this year I noted down a lot of small stickies, small emails to myself and now I have a WhatsApp group with myself where I take mental notes (I hate WhatsApp groups btw, but I will talk more abt them later ) .
Today's blog is about the thoughts that I savored in the last year and a ghazal as always.
The Sisyphean Life: First, The title, what does "Sisyphus" mean, Sisyphus is a king in greek mythology who is cursed. This Greek hero was condemned by the Gods to do a task for eternity. Each day he struggled to roll a huge stone to the top of a mountain only to watch it roll back down on its own weight. Some see Sisyphus as the quintessential sufferer, condemned to repeating hopelessness. Yet he leads what is termed a Sisyphean life. A life that is going in a loop. His punishment is to roll that boulder, that's it. Sisyphus doesn't stop because he is afraid of the consequences of stopping, he continues because he foolishly believes that despite failing over and over that he can one day make it to the top. The reason I used this term is that a lot of people around us lead a Sisyphean life. They have Pathos in their justification. "oh my god look at the pain of my daily life, same job, same life," listening to all this I always think of the greek king. Sisyphus was avaricious and deceitful but that's not what he thought of himself. I have said that before, one of the great lessons I learned very early in life is that "everybody is a hero in the story of their life" that's why I place a lot of emphasis on people who are vocally self-critical. Sisyphus considers himself a hero however life had run through this punishment. When I look back at 35 years of adulthood, I am thankful that I never ever chased to be a "hero". I wanted to be an explorer and I am happy that I am one and hopefully will be one till I die. One of my friends has been insisting for years that I write a book, start a podcast or do something to be popular and I have always said, I don't even know 0.00001% of life, anyway going back to the topic , Heroism is evil and Hero-worship is even eviler. I have always struggled with the question, who is my hero or role model, or who am I a fan of . Well, No one, I find this whole notion stupid. I don't have a favourite actor or singer or sportsperson (Indian synonym will be cricketer) or even an industrialist. I believe Hero worship is a disorder like ADD or OCD which needs treatment. I have laughed at my lunacies of young age often, like I watched Chandni 18 times in a month after it was released in September 1989 but at 19 I guess, your exploration is at a different tangent. The reason why I believe that Hero worship is a disorder is that it narrows down your paths and thoughts. Making 10-15 heroes limits your ability ur appreciate /acknowledge a lot of unrecognized heroism. I will give you an example of unrecognized heroism. Just because shiny things appeal to you, you get blinded to not-so-shiny things. My father was my Hero because he used to do ordinary things in an extraordinary fashion. he never spoke about any Hero but used to point out extraordinary things in people, like "see how the chola bhatura guy does his job with exceptional finesse". This may have triggered my pursuit to explore and examine and not follow, not necessarily and surely not in entirety. The unexamined life is not worth living.” Socrates said. When you try to seek a Hero in everyone, you become the explorer and the explorers are restless directionless souls.
The Amuser and the Mob: Many decades ago, Delhi had a lot of traveling "madaris" . At every bus stand you will see one, typically they will have a pair of monkeys, a male and a female monkey tied to a rope he controlled and a damru ( I am sure that the monkeys followed the sound signal to act), he would stop at a place and start talking to the 1-2 people in the crowd and build a story, typically about Monkey's life, in the end, he will have 50 -100 people around him. Once he has a substantial mob then he will sell something to you or seek money. Just like every child in that era, I used to listen to different stories. A lot of people will like to think that Madaris have disappeared, but they haven't at all, in fact, they are rich and thriving, they have adopted technology and they are all around us. I don't watch TV, very rarely see movies or series and don't read a newspaper anymore. I feel that News is as much an amusement as any other form of media is. Coming back to the Madari, who is the modern Madari, Your TV Journalist, Your YouTube or Linkedin Influencer, or your typical film or Tv star (sometimes the star is an actor too - Intended sarcasm), and who is the monkey, some of us. the mob is the same. The best example is "reality shows ". The madaris earn billions now and we are willing and vulnerable mobs, liking and sharing content and even being part of it. The objective of any media is not to serve a purpose, it is to gather an audience and sell it to an advertiser. Think of a TV without ads, even youtube without charges or ads and even cricketers are busier selling advertised goods than the game. I guess by 2015 i stopped being a part of this circus. I never played or even liked sports barring a few overs I would have bowled in school. Sports are the ultimate human distraction, sports were an antidote to war, letting the humans who have the energy to kill each other, spend their energy on a poor leather football and amuse themselves with beer and cheers. Olympics were started to distract from war, replacing wars with rituals of power exhibition. Today the powerful still host and then the winner displays a different kind of power. Sports or Media are also taking away our ability to have a conversation, build critical thinking faculties. Critical thinking is now replaced by "seasons" on Netflix. Nothing great in my view is achieved without Intellectual labour or endurance of suffering. Media is also spreading "Toxic Positivity " and Toxic Negativity at the same time to trigger you. The new generation is what I call "thumb" slaved, they move screens with their thumb every 30 seconds, take their pictures and self-obsess about external validation by likes and followers. In fact, I often think, the govt of India should make cell phone bills zero but charge for every selfie taken, and every WhatsApp forward your read or send, that's it. Technology will eventually own and drive culture. I don't chase amusement, that's why eventually you feel that amusers will never "experience" anything profound .... like my grandfather used to say " Naa Tamasha Bano, Naa Tamasha Dekho" .
Cost of Journey: Just like we pay the fare for a journey from place A to Place B, there is a cost of the life journey too. The fare in this case isn't measured in monetary terms, it's the negative or regretful experiences that one had in their life. In my life, I could list many, but the biggest cost of the fare in my case is the impact on your emotional quotient. Let me share how that cost is expensive. There is a german philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche who I have read and followed a lot, his famous quote is "He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster.” Life in India is a battle, we continue to be hunters, gatherers, and survivors. In fighting the monster of economic and emotional security, one has to fight monsters like dishonest, untrustworthy and foul-mouthed people. I have now concluded that is the price to pay. That said, I have also believed that suffering builds endurance and endurance builds your will, nothing ever was achieved by those whose conviction of pursuit was very weak. Nietzsche also says "What does not kill us makes us stronger”. This strength however has a cost, we often forget that every pillar we lean onto is also enduring load all the time. This emotional fatigue builds a lot of chaos inside you and this chaos is what makes one step away from the crowd. I haven't attended many concerts in life but most were by Jagjit Singh, there used to be pin-drop silence and everyone was absorbing the emotions in poetry and was in an emotional trance. I also recently attended one more music concert and was shocked. I realised that people who like Noise sometimes want to get away from the whispering inside. Not being part of the mob may be a good thing but that's a cost, mobs are a comfortable place to be, just like a queue, you are being led and followed both. Solitude has its own cost. There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason for madness. You must have chaos within you to give birth to a trance.
Today's ghazal is new, poet is unknown and the singer is , Zeeshan Ali .
गर्द ऐ राह में बदल रहा हूँ मैं , पर तेरे साथ चल रहा हूँ मैं !
धुंद , बादल, धुऍं की बात नहीं , वक़्त ऐ मग़रिब है, ढल रहा हूँ मैं !
मैं हूँ मुश्किल में और याद है ना , तेरी मुश्किल का हल रहा हूँ मैं !
तू बहुत दूर है या तेरी तरफ़ , उलटे क़दमों से चल रहा हूँ मैं !
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